A little about myself. Everyone else has one, guess I should, too.
I’m 21. I live in the USA. I’m 5’6” and trying to get to 100lbs.
I’m a vegetarian, environmentalist, pacifist, proud member of the Zeigeist Movement and supporter of the Venus Project. I’m also maniac depressed, aka bipolar. No, this doesn’t mean I have “mood swings.” It means I’m severely fucked up in the head and need serious fucking help before I destroy anything else I love in my life.
I love anime, video games, reading, writing, art, music, movies, and fashion. I’m pretty different. I’m a junior in college to be a high school English teacher, then English Professor. I also want to be an author, and though I haven’t written diligently in forever, it is my passion.
The weight loss story…Well, I guess it started in middle school. I was really embarrassed of my big butt and legs. My best friend was stick thin and she hated it, and we would pick on each other’s weight. I used to wear this horrible purple jacket every day to hide how my ass stuck out from my back. When I got into high school, I hit a growth spurt and my weight evened out, and I also learned that having a big ass is attractive, albeit annoying to fit into skirts and what not. Speaking of skirts, 9th grade/freshman year was the first year I had ever worn a skirt since grade school. I felt my legs were okay enough to show. I was in the 120’s I guess. Well, 10th grade, everything was peachy until the end of the year, May 2006, my boyfriend, “Sorryn,” dumped me. I was devastated. I barely ate for three months and got down to 105lbs. Every time I ate or smelled food, I would get crazy nauseous and throw up, I was that depressed. Eventually, I just started to like how thin I was, I got lots of compliments, so I just kept to the same small amount of food for the next couple of years in high school, sticking at 115 by the time I graduated. I didn’t monitor myself or weigh myself, I just was busy a lot, and didn’t eat a lot of sweets or anything. I never drank soda because it was something that I didn’t grow up with. I had Kool-aid or sweet tea once a day, and milk the rest.
Well, throughout all this, Sorryn was still in my life. My senior year, we were talking again, lost our virginity to each other, called every night, etc. Well, out of the blue in January, he stoped talking to me and started dating some girl he’d only known for three days. I was even more messed up than before, because I had fallen even more in love with him in three years. I ended up meeting another guy, “Erik,” in February and we started dating in March of 2008. After graduating, I got a job in October 2008 at an office. I was there from 9-5 Mon-Sat. Just sitting. I would get up and walk around a little to show customers their storage units, but for the most part, it was very sedentary. My boss told me that I could leave for lunch or order something, and to take some money out of the drawer. (This was a small business, and she made more money doing other things). At first, I was hesitant, but I hated leaving the office, because I would miss customers, but I was so hungry all day. And there was a Papa John’s across the street…
I would order a pizza every other day. I would eat it during the day, sometimes having left overs for the next day, sometimes not. I also ordered Chinese when I didn’t want pizza. The only good thing about this situation, was that I only had water to drink in the office, so I got used to drinking nothing but water, and basically cut out all other drinks.
I put on the weight slowly but surely. Erik was severely obese, and extremely possessive and obsessive, so he didn’t care if I gained weight. He encouraged it, as a matter of fact, telling me he wanted me to be “fluffy.” I was 135-140lbs. All my clothes were tight, and my parents and best friend noted that I had put on
a little weight, and I needed to be careful. I didn’t care, I loved food, and even after I stopped working at the office, I still ate huge portions of unhealthy foods. I became a vegetarian in June of 2009, and that helped to keep me from going over 140, but I was still unhealthy and I knew it.
I went to live on campus in north Georgia for a year, and I got down to 130-135lbs because of all the walking I was doing, despite the still unhealthy food and portions I was consuming. In March of 2010, I finally got up the courage to break up with Erik after two years, because I was sick of the horrible, detrimental, and abusive relationship. And I was still in love and in contact with Sorryn…
I’m now back with Sorryn, and I’m the happiest I’ve been in my life. But I still have the results of the two years weight gain and binge eating disorder from being with my obese ex for two years. I’m trying to train myself not to binge, to stop with the overindulgence in desserts and pizza, and to be healthy and lose lots of weight.